Larry's Fairy Tales - Part 5

Sleeping Beauty (continued)

A hundred years later, in a nearby kingdom, the behavior of Prince Harry was becoming a problem.

(Photo: fake photo of British royal family, after Harry's naked shenanigans in Las Vegas)

Harry had been happy with his Army buddies during his military service.  He loved simple male camaraderie.  Like licking your buddy’s nipples.

(Photo: Prince Harry licking a buddy's nipple.  Real photo, not fake.)

Or pinching an athlete’s nipple at a sporting event.

(Photo: Prince Harry pinching the nipple of volleyball competitor Ashley Coles at the Invictus Games, 2016)

One night, Harry was dreaming of his army mates, as he often did.

(Photo: British paratroopers supporting Prince Harry by posing naked, 2012, after Harry got in trouble with the royal family by being naked in Las Vegas)

Then his dream changed into a beautiful young man lying asleep.

    “He needs you,” a fairy voice whispered.  “You have to rescue him.”

After some more specific directions from the fairy voice, Harry set out to rescue the beautiful sleeping man.  He found the castle surrounded by a forest of thorns.

(Cover of the book Durchs Wilde Kurdistan, art by Sascha Schneider, 1904)

But a chainsaw quickly took care of that.

(Strunk chainsaw ad, 1953)

Harry climbed the stairs to the room at the top of the tower, where the beautiful sleeping man lay.

(Man ascending stairs, Eadweard Muybridge, c. 1884)

Harry kissed the sleeping man on the cheek.  Nothing happened.

(Photo: Prince Harry kissing a soldier.  Real photo.)

    “Give him a real kiss,” said the fairy voice.  Harry kissed him on the mouth, with tongue.  Beau opened his eyes and smiled.

    “Hi, I’m Harry,” said Harry.

    “You certainly are.”

    “You’ve been asleep for a hundred years.”

    “Wow!  No wonder I’ve got morning wood like you wouldn’t believe.”

(Photo: Prince Harry licking a soldier's face.  Real photo.)

    “I can help you take care of that," said Harry.  "But let me start on your nipples.”

    And they lived happily ever after.

*    *    *

Note: as always, this story is all in fun.  It is not meant to imply that Prince Harry is gay.  Although he does seem to have a thing about men's nipples.

Larry's Fairy Tales - Part 5

 Sleeping Beauty

Once upon a time, a king and queen were blessed with a baby boy.  They named him Beau.  The whole kingdom rejoiced, and all the notables of the kingdom were invited to the castle to see their new prince.

(Image from the Disney move Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

Among the guests were the three good fairies.  The first fairy waved his magic feather over the child.  “I give the gift of beauty.  Beau will grow up to be the most handsome man in the land.”  The guests murmured in approval.

(Photo: Victorian man in drag)

The second fairy said, “I give the gift of love.  Beau will love and be loved his whole life long.”  The guests oohed and ahhed at the wisdom of this gift.

(Photo: Victorian man in drag.  Update: actually, it's a fake.  See comments.)

The third fairy lifted his glass of wine, which he had perhaps imbibed a bit too freely.  “I may be last but not least, as they say.  My gift is, Beau will be hung like a …”

(Photo: Victorian man in drag)

At that moment, there was a flash of light and the powerful Wizard of Menlo Park appeared.  “I wasn’t invited,” he said, “but I, too have a gift for the young prince.  On his eighteenth birthday, he will prick his finger – oh, wait, that’s for girls.  For boys, let’s see, on his eighteenth birthday, he will finger his prick and he will die.”  The Wizard laughed, and in another flash of light he disappeared.

    “I don’t understand,” said the queen.  “What did he mean, he will finger his prick?”

    “I’ll explain later, dear,” said the king.

(Image: Thomas Edison, the Wizard of Menlo Park, 1879)

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” said the third fairy, “I was about to give my gift.  I’m afraid I’m a little too drunk to undo this terrible curse, but I can soften it.  Beau will not die, but he will fall into a deep sleep until he is awakened by … by true love’s kiss.  I’ll drink to that.”

(Photo: Victorian man in drag)

To prevent the prince from fingering his prick, the king ordered that all the porn in the kingdom be burned.  But the three fairies knew that wouldn’t work.

(Image from the Disney movie Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

For eighteen years, Beau grew up happily attended by knights and squires, who taught him the manly arts of riding, hunting and fighting.  He was also surrounded by pages and stable boys, who taught him everything the king was hoping he wouldn’t find out about.

(Photo: Franklin Schenck by Thomas Eakins, c. 1890)

On his eighteenth birthday, after a noble feast, Beau retired to his room, where he indulged in innocent pleasure.  From behind a curtain, the Wizard watched.

At the climax, the Wizard waved his wand, and Beau sank onto the cushion, apparently lifeless.

    “The French call it la petite mort, the little death,” laughed the Wizard.  “How appropriate.”  Then he disappeared.

    But Beau was not dead, just asleep.

(Sleeping Beauty, drawing by Paul Cadmus, 1950s)

    The three good fairies put everyone else in the castle to sleep, too.

    A hundred years passed.

... To be continued tomorrow.

*    *    *

Note: As in all these fairy tales, the word "fairy" is being used in fun, not as a term of disrespect.  I am not making fun of the men in drag depicted here.  Well, maybe I'm making fun of the third one a little.  Also, I have nothing but admiration for Thomas Edison, the Wizard of Menlo Park, but I couldn't resist using the vintage image of him as a wizard for this story.