Larry's Fairy Tales - Part 2

Jack and the Beanstalk

Starring Joe Leitel as Jack and Don Hawksley as the Giant.

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Jack who lived in a ground-floor apartment.  He was good-looking, but very shy.

(Photo: Joe Leitel, AMG)

In the penthouse of the same building lived a handsome man.  Jack called him “the giant” because of the size of the bulge in his pants.  Jack worshipped him from afar, but he was too shy to do anything about it.

(Photo: Don Hawksley with trouser bulge by Pat Milo)

Jack’s best friend was so tall and thin that Jack called him “the beanstalk.”  Jack confessed that he was hopelessly attracted to the giant.  “I know what you need,” said the beanstalk.  “Here’s a magic bean.  Swallow it and it’ll give you the courage to go meet the giant.”

Jack swallowed the bean and then, feeling courageous, he climbed up the stairs to the penthouse and knocked on the door.  The giant opened the door.
    “Hi, I’m Jack, from downstairs,” said Jack.
    “Hi. I just took a shower, but I’ll be dressed in a minute,” said the giant.
    “Oh, no need to dress on my account.”

(Photo: Don Hawksley by Pat Milo.  Disclosure: doorway added with Photoshop.)

    “Fee, fi, fo fum, then come on in and have some rum,” said the giant.  
    They sat next to each other on the giant’s sofa, but though he was getting very excited, Jack was still too shy to make the first move.
    “Be you alive or be you dead?  We both have boners.  Let’s go to bed,” said the giant.

(Photo: Don Hawksley by Pat Milo)

The next morning, Jack crept away, stealing the giant’s T-shirt, because he wanted to keep something of the giant’s.  For a week, Jack avoided the penthouse, because he was afraid the giant might be mad at him for stealing the T-shirt.
    “You need some more courage,” said his friend the beanstalk.  “Have another magic bean.”

(Photo: Joe Leitel, AMG)

Jack swallowed the bean, climbed up the stairs, and knocked on the giant’s door again.
    “Fee, fi, fo, fum, what took you so long?  Let’s have some fun,” said the giant.
    The next morning, Jack stole a pair of the giant’s underpants.

(Photo: Don Hawksley in T-shirt by Pat Milo)

Jack was afraid to face the giant again for another week.  Finally, he asked his friend for another magic bean.
    “Jack, I have a confession,” said the beanstalk.  “There’s nothing magic about those beans,  The courage was inside you all along.  Now go to your giant.”

(Photo: Joe Leitel)

So Jack climbed up the stairs again and hesitantly knocked on the door.  He confessed to the giant why he had been afraid.
    “Silly boy, I don’t care about that.  Can’t you see what you do to me?” said the giant, who had indeed become giant.
    “Fee fi, fo, fum, for someone so smart, you sure are dumb.
    Be you alive, you dunderhead, move in with me, and share my bed.”

(Photo: Don Hawksley by AMG c. 1960)

So that’s what Jack did.  And they lived happily ever after.

(Photo: Joe Leitel and Don Hawksley in bathtub by AMG)