Gods, Myths and Heroes - Part 57

Biblical Abominations

The Bible prohibits a long list of things, some so severely that in the King James version they are called abominations.  One of these is gay sex, but we'll get to that later.  First, we should ask: is the Bible true, or just a made-up collection of fairy tales?  To anyone looking at it objectively, it is obviously made up.

A good example is the story of Noah's Ark and the flood, which couldn't possibly have happened.  You think the kangaroos swam from Australia to the Middle East to get onto the Ark, and then swam back again after the flood was over?  The same thing for all the species native to North and South America, like the bison and the turkey and the llama: you think they swam across the Atlantic or the Pacific to get to the Ark and back again?  Not to mention more than 350,000 different species of beetles that must have ridden in the Ark (two by two, that's over 700,000 beetles).  The story is a charming fairy tale, but as a real event, it's patently ludicrous.  So, if this part of the Bible is obviously false, why should we believe any other part of the Bible?  The answer is, we shouldn't.

So, if the Bible prohibits something, please don't take it seriously.

We'll start with Leviticus, which has a huge list of prohibited things.  Leviticus 11:7-8 prohibits eating swine, which is an "unclean" animal.  So, no ham sandwiches (above).

No pork chops (above).

Leviticus 11:10-12 prohibits eating any seafood that does not have fins and scales, i.e. seafood that is not a standard fish.  This isn't just prohibited, it's an abomination.  Lobster (above) is an abomination.  So is shrimp.

Caviar (above) is the eggs of the sturgeon, a fish with a smooth skin (no scales), so it's another abomination.  The caviar above has been anointed with cum, but that's another story.

Is nudity prohibited in the Bible?  No, it is not.  Leviticus 18:6-19 prohibits "uncovering the nakedness" of a long list of relatives, starting with your father and mother, but being naked yourself is not prohibited anywhere in the Bible.

Leviticus 18:22 prohibits gay sex and calls it an abomination.  But remember, it's just as much (or as little) of an abomination as eating shrimp is.

But then, what about the sin of Sodom?  Ezekiel 16:49 explicitly says that the sin of Sodom was “pride, excess of food, prosperous ease, without care for the poor and the needy" (above).  Not gay sex.

The suit above is a combination of wool and linen, which is prohibited in Leviticus 19:19.  Some people have interpreted this to prohibit all mixed fabrics, but the Bible specifically bans only the wool-linen combo.  It turns out that Jewish priests used an accessory made of wool and linen, and common people weren't allowed to have it.  Still, it's one of the weirdest prohibitions in the Bible.

Leviticus 19:27 prohibits trimming the edges of your beard; for example, having a goatee like this guy is prohibited.

Leviticus 19:28 prohibits tattoos.  Now, I admit that Logan McCree's tattoos (above) may be a bit overdone ...

but this one is kind of cute.

Deuteronomy 22:5 says that for a woman to wear "that which pertaineth unto a man", e.g.  pants, is an abomination.  Tell that to Melania Trump (or Kamala Harris, for that matter).

We end with Exodus 20:4, the second of the Ten Commandments: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."  Exodus 20:5 goes on to say "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them," implying that the images that are prohibited in Exodus 20:4 are idols of gods.  But although that may be implied, that's not what it says.  (The Bible is not written very clearly.  God is a rather inept author.)  What Exodus 20:4 says is that all likenesses are prohibited, period.  Not just idols.

In other words, art is prohibited.  Mona Lisa?  Prohibited.

Statue of David by Michelangelo?  Prohibited.  I guess the Bible allows abstract art.  Tell that to your religious friends.